149 – On Reflections About Losing Friends And Introversion

Masyado na akong matanda para makipag-kaibigan. (I’m already too old to make friends.)

My old man may have some points that I disagree with, but this one really hits the spot. I have grown apart and become distant with most friends—whether it’s from my two previous jobs, college or cosplay. The only circle I have right now is that of my family, CJ, and a few friends that have remained (which can be counted with the fingers of one hand.) But can you blame someone like me who is tired of life, has never found his rightful place in the world, and wants to just simply settle down?

Let me ask those here who have met me in person. Do I have a quirk that makes me unforgettable? None, right? My point exactly. I don′t possess any memorable quality. I am not blessed with a quirk that makes me unforgettable to people I deal with.

Maybe I’m slowly becoming like him; preferring to rest and be away from people most of the time, preferring the company of family. Dad’s weekends revolve around moments with Mom and us, in the same manner that my weekends revolve around moments with CJ. A good night’s sleep is preferred over a night of partying.

Who am I, anyways? I’m just a nobody in the greater scheme of things!

I find it hard to maintain conversations. Talking to people is easy if we agree on topics, but it’s a chore if it’s about something I’m not into. And don’t get me started with the awkward pauses that tend to close conversations.

I don’t have the connections—social or government—that I can leverage to succeed. All I have is raw effort. Besides, I run on this simple life philosophy: don’t dip your brush in other people’s inkwells. In short, mind your own business.

I would have lost my sanity, if not for this blog which I consider a passion project. Caught between a rock and a hard place, yes? I can’t blame myself entirely, though.

I’m a natural introvert. I’m hardwired not to trust people.

Many say it’s a disability, but I’ve learned over time that it’s an advantage. It lets me weed out the ones worth doing business with from the untouchables.

Here’s an irony for the books: an introvert like me aims for a career in public relations, which requires the skill of extroversion!

Thing is, I was bullied years ago and the culprits escaped scot-free. In addition, I have more enemies than friends nowadays.

(On a side note: given that I can′t trust the majority of people anymore at this point in time, I might as well start investing in self-defense. A pocket knife is one way to start—I′ll build an EDC kit and write about it here on the blog, so stay tuned.)

At age 26, making friends is a Herculean task for me now. I’ve made it alone for more than 26 damn years. It’s a rough ride from this point on.

“He’s a real Nowhere Man
Sitting in his Nowhere Land
Making all his nowhere plans
For nobody…”

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “149 – On Reflections About Losing Friends And Introversion

    • Thank you. Especially now that the fascist right is gaining ground here in the country and poisoning Facebook.

      It’s just a pity though, that I ended up burning bridges with most of the people I met during college (supposedly the time when you make connections first).

    • I know how that feels. Worse, when someone you really know in college ends up forgetting who you are – despite the fact that you always saw this person in school (even being in a few classes).

      Happened to me once when I saw a female classmate of mine at UP Town Center…ended up receiving an awkward “hi” from her.

  1. You’re definitely no loner, my friend. You’ve already got 12 likes on this blog alone, and that tells me you already built a solid following. Here’s to an even more solid year ahead, Monching! Happy new year! 🙂

    • Thank you Sir Charly, and wishing you a happy 2017 likewise! 🙂

      I appreciate the likes on this post, but it’s a radically different feeling altogether when you meet people behind the blogs you follow. Out of the more than 300+ followers I have, I have only met maybe 10 or 11 of them in real life (you included). 😦

      • Wow!!! That makes me admire you even more. The fact that you pay close attention to your followers and want to have a close relationship with them tells me you have a wonderful heart. That desire to give the extra mile is the key. Your genuine love for what you do will surely bring you more success, Monching!

      • Maybe it’s just me trying to make up for lost time by building bridges I didn’t create before, or it’s just that I understand how it is to be unappreciated – but wow…I’m overwhelmed that there are still people who value quality over quantity.

        I’m simply amazed, Sir. 🙂 Thank you very much!

  2. I’ve recently went on a Facebook unfriend spree. One of my “friends” found out that I unfriended him. I explained the situation to him – I told him we barely talk anymore. I added him again because the whole situation was becoming awkward.

    He has yet to accept my friend request.

    I’d rather have a small group of people around me. I like to make my connections more meaningful.

    I always tell myself: it’s better this way. 🙂

  3. i’m feeling the same, i don’t need too many friends in my life right now. i just need a handful of people around. i think it’s the age that changes my personal preferences.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s