Masyado na akong matanda para makipag-kaibigan. (I’m already too old to make friends.)
My old man may have some points that I disagree with, but this one really hits the spot. I have grown apart and become distant with most friends—whether it’s from my two previous jobs, college or cosplay. The only circle I have right now is that of my family, CJ, and a few friends that have remained (which can be counted with the fingers of one hand.) But can you blame someone like me who is tired of life, has never found his rightful place in the world, and wants to just simply settle down?
Let me ask those here who have met me in person. Do I have a quirk that makes me unforgettable? None, right? My point exactly. I don′t possess any memorable quality. I am not blessed with a quirk that makes me unforgettable to people I deal with.
Maybe I’m slowly becoming like him; preferring to rest and be away from people most of the time, preferring the company of family. Dad’s weekends revolve around moments with Mom and us, in the same manner that my weekends revolve around moments with CJ. A good night’s sleep is preferred over a night of partying.
Who am I, anyways? I’m just a nobody in the greater scheme of things!
I find it hard to maintain conversations. Talking to people is easy if we agree on topics, but it’s a chore if it’s about something I’m not into. And don’t get me started with the awkward pauses that tend to close conversations.
I don’t have the connections—social or government—that I can leverage to succeed. All I have is raw effort. Besides, I run on this simple life philosophy: don’t dip your brush in other people’s inkwells. In short, mind your own business.
I would have lost my sanity, if not for this blog which I consider a passion project. Caught between a rock and a hard place, yes? I can’t blame myself entirely, though.
I’m a natural introvert. I’m hardwired not to trust people.
Many say it’s a disability, but I’ve learned over time that it’s an advantage. It lets me weed out the ones worth doing business with from the untouchables.
Here’s an irony for the books: an introvert like me aims for a career in public relations, which requires the skill of extroversion!
Thing is, I was bullied years ago and the culprits escaped scot-free. In addition, I have more enemies than friends nowadays.
(On a side note: given that I can′t trust the majority of people anymore at this point in time, I might as well start investing in self-defense. A pocket knife is one way to start—I′ll build an EDC kit and write about it here on the blog, so stay tuned.)
At age 26, making friends is a Herculean task for me now. I’ve made it alone for more than 26 damn years. It’s a rough ride from this point on.
“He’s a real Nowhere Man
Sitting in his Nowhere Land
Making all his nowhere plans