116 – Sailing

Well, it’s not far down to paradise – at least it’s not for me…

Christmas is over, 2016 is here, and all is said and done. I hope you had an enjoyable holiday, and you got your heart’s deepest desires. Me? Better if you don’t ask. Much as I try to be strong and keep myself together, there are times that I get pissed off too, and even more instances that I am driven towards the edge.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m thankful for a lot of gifts I received this year: family, friends, and the special someone. But you know the nagging feeling when you realize something is missing, like a puzzle piece you can’t find?

And if the wind is right, you can find the joy of innocence again…

I’m not wishing for material things this year, because I believe those are too trivial and I can get those one way or another. I only have one wish, and a non-material one at that: to land a new and better job. I want to be in a job where I truly belong, one that makes me want to wake up early and report before the actual hours start. One where I can enjoy my stay, have a strong relationship with my colleagues, allow me to take steps towards career advancement, and get some time off to pursue personal endeavors—putting compensation aside.

I’m already 25 and I’m not getting any younger – so I’m taking this chance to look at life from a fresh perspective. Burnout turns one into a cynic and nihilist. However, I guess the winds of fate are never in my favor. Where you are right now is not where you will be forever, but at this point – I think I might rot here. Is the desire for freedom and a new perspective too much to ask?

Fantasy – it gets the best of me when I’m sailing…

Before you react and say that I should be doing something—yes, I am doing something about my predicament. I’ve clicked on a lot of job openings, printed out a lot of resumes, and showed up in a lot of job interviews. But what do I get? Cricket chirps. I’ve been on this cycle since October of last year, but to no avail. Until such time that I got transferred to an administrative position, which I believe is a last-ditch effort to prevent me from leaving. I like my current supervisor, but listening to dragging meetings that last for hours can diminish productivity and waste time that can be used to do better things.

I’ve almost given up entirely on the job hunt, but seeing CJ succeed in finding a job (at the most unlikely time, to boot) made me carry on. However, if this doesn’t pay off – I plan on taking up a short vocational course that can actually have some practical use. Driving, electronics repair, welding…I don’t know what exactly. If the white-collar jobs do not have openings, maybe the blue-collar ones do. Besides, it might be high time to put this massive body of mine to work.

Sailing takes me away to where I always heard it could be…

At this point in time, I guess I can’t rely on anyone but myself. Sure, I have friends – but they can only offer assistance up to a certain point. I’ve reached way beyond that. I can’t rely on my family either as they are against my decision to leave.

And most definitely, I can’t rely on God anymore at this instance. Go ahead and call me a nihilist if you may, but don’t get me started with that religion thing and how He cares. I have a lot of shortcomings, but that did not stop me from praying many times over for a shot at a new opportunity. What do I get? Figure it out yourself. How can I figure it out when I myself am confused?

Just a dream and the wind to carry me, and soon I will be free…

I only have one desire right here, and just that alone will do for now. I only hope to get the freedom I’ve been wishing for all this time. If I make it out, good; if not, well that’s the end of the line. God has given me too much; time to make use of them.

(I’ll try looking for that dream job for one last time and, if the need calls, I’ll expend all available resources I have to get it. Thus, I will be on an indefinite hiatus and will return when the situation improves for the better. If I succeed, good; if I fail, I’m done. I’ll try my best to keep you updated via the blog’s Facebook page; the last thing I want to happen is people waking up to find out that I’m gone.)

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7 thoughts on “116 – Sailing

      • ano ka ba ha ha. rejection is part of our lives. di ka tao pag di ka na-reject ever ha ha. but kidding aside, masakit talaga ma reject lalo na kung alam mong super qualified ka for the job, kung sobrang gusto mo yung job at company at sobrang desperate ka na makuha ito. masakit pero minsan di talaga ito para sa atin.

        Parang pagsusulat lang dito ‘yan eh. Anyone can reject your posts, not everyone will read them, not everyone will appreciate them. Di man lang nila iconsider yung effort mo sa pagsusulat. Pero di naman nila kawalan na di makabasa ng magandang post mo, or natin. And if you keep on writing, if you keep on trying, may makakahanap at makakaappreciate din sa’yo at sa mga gawa mo.

        kaya keep sailing nga 😛

  1. Pingback: 132 – Get Back | The Monching's Guide

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