If you’re from cosplay and you’re reading this, consider it as a sort of “farewell letter” from me. You know the feeling that instead of enjoying, you end up being stressed out from seeing the same old things? Who would have thought that I’d hang the belt for good this time. Six years came and went like a breeze, and now I reached the end of the line. I’ve lost interest and the drive to continue. I woke up one day and realized, maybe it’s time I did something different because I’m tired of this.
I’ll go straight to the bottom line – I can’t really cosplay forever. As much as I want to continue, there are other aspects of life aside from the hobby. I admit that it’s hard to let go of something you really love, but sacrifices have to be made for something better to happen. It’s a painful decision, but I believe this will pay huge dividends in the future. Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. Being mature, accepting responsibilities, it’s a part of life. Change is the only thing that’s fixed in this world.
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not my detractors (if I do have any, since I only see bitter people) that led me to this decision. I have stopped giving two cents about their opinions as they are not the reason why I joined six years ago. People who know me are also aware that I extend the olive branch to the willing and bury the hatchet with the repentant. Someone once said: “You have enemies? Good. That means you stood up for something.”
And stand up for something, I did. Coming back for one more run wasn’t really in my plans; it was a friend’s suggestion. I heeded his advice, came back last March 2013 as John Cena, and carried on with this in mind: I finish what I started. In the span of 10 months, I focused on wrapping up some matters and unfinished businesses. Now my time is up. To be honest, this isn’t the first time I tried to leave. It’s natural that this comes with withdrawal symptoms. Whereas I failed to back up my promise some months ago, this time I need to man up – and there’s no turning back.
Over the years that I’ve involved myself in this hobby, something dawned on me: I’m simply pretending to be someone I’m not and someone I’ll never be. This “pretending” has caused the real me, outside the costume and stripped of a false appearance, to be put on the back burner. I’m not blaming cosplay as it all falls back to my lack of self-confidence, the main reason why I joined in the first place. See, I’ve essentially wasted my childhood days and screwed my college experience over. I can’t turn back time anymore, thus I don’t want to grow old and end up with a lot of regrets on my deathbed. Hopefully, it’s not too late for me to take a new path. The time is now for me to get real and I’m taking that first step now.
About love, however…with regards to it, the prospect is rather bleak. The door to romantic relationships has closed on me some years ago, and I’ve accepted it. Somewhere along the road, you realize that love isn’t really for you after everything that has happened. It’s not a reason to be sad, though; many people have been in the same predicament as I am, but they chose to focus on different aspects of their lives. On the other hand, I’ve been told to keep trying. Despite comforting words from friends, the truth still remains. I’ve failed many times even before taking the first step, so why should I bother anymore?
So what’s in it for me after this phase? Well, I’ve started food blogging – this one you are reading right now – which proves to be a fruitful venture despite the low viewership. Aside from that, I want to focus on finishing a lot of backlogged writing projects that I can post on my blog likewise. If I manage to create enough output and gain exposure, I’ll be hopefully hitting big-time.
As I’ve mentioned, the cosplaying days may be over but the friendship still remains. Don’t get me wrong – I do have friends in cosplay who have stayed with me from the beginning until now despite me not being a “people person”. If there are some things I’d like to thank God for during my stay, it would be the friends I gained and experiences I picked up along the way. There are people who will make you lose faith in humanity, but there are people who will restore it. I can’t entirely say I “wasted” six years of my life in this hobby that apparently is “childish” and “immature”. If I could spare six years in this, most definitely I would be able to find another productive and (hopefully) more mature hobby. Besides, I am but only a single step away from my existence’s silver anniversary. I have a long way to go, and that journey only starts here. See you when I see you somewhere.